Pharisees ask Jesus a seemingly simple question about divorce, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” Jesus, as always, shifts the unspoken premise away from patriarchy. Patriarchy is devised by and for men; their rights and control – for example over property, which includes a wife. Jesus shifts the premise toward the power of women. Jesus first asserts women’s power as equals, “God made them male and female.” He then asserts a woman’s power to be an equal partner to a man who leaves his patriarchal family, “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
We sometimes fall in love and become one flesh physically with someone who is not a suitable partner. Realizing our unsuitability is dividing us and wanting to be wise – taking things slowly and not immediately divorcing – we discover other options. Examples are Living Apart Together and A Parenting Marriage, which encourage partnership for the benefit of children. During this time we can take actions to heal our union with counseling, marriage retreats, and vow renewal considerations. We remain committed to being a healing partner as we continue the discoveries of marriage. We may discover our spouse wants to change but does not how to or fears the vulnerability of doing so. We have vowed to be faithful and so we are. We said a powerful “Yes” when asked, “Do you promise …for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her/him, for as long as you both shall live?” But unsuitability and infidelity, sometimes enduring and sometimes intended by the spouse, cannot define us. It is sometimes the case though that it does and sometimes it does so in social settings. We discover that our partner has been unfaithful to us and unfaithful to basic human decency in a public manner. How do we reckon with our decision to be personally faithful when our spouse has been proven so socially unfaithful? We might consider the Pharisee’s question from Gospel, “Is it lawful for a partner to divorce their spouse?” for Melania Trump, Camille Cosby, Julie Chen Moonves, and others partnered to sexual predators. We ponder misplaced fidelity. To whom or to what are they being faithful? Is it to their vows, or perhaps to an image, their comfort, their hopes? What is the marriage vow if not the power to be a healing partner during times of trial. But if an unfaithful spouse coerces fidelity for image or for comfort rather than as a vow to enable healing, then that spouse is yet again being unfaithful. They are disempowering their faithful spouse as an an accomplice to the spouse’s infidelity and indecency. Can we compassionately consider another question, “How can we become as one flesh socially?” As well as the flesh of one couple, how can we become one human flesh socially ? It is important to consider as the unrepentantly unfaithful patriarchy that masquerades as a partner to women made subservient flesh is turning to dust as we speak. What is the power of our social partnership among friends and neighbors and strangers? We can be one partnered human family called to love each other and “What God has joined together; let no human being separate.”
“I desired for you a partner Who would stand beside you, true Though that came to be, that man wasn’t me And it broke my heart in two. I promised you’d be happy And in ways, that’s come to be Wed a man who’s good – loves you as he should I just wish it had been me. Tell the night to hold me It no longer heeds my will As I feared the most, I’ve become a ghost And I haven’t tears to spill. Tell the night to hold me For I’ve no more left to say Please remand what’s just As I turn to dust.” (Tell the Night to Hold Me – Gregory Barden)
Prayer: Spirit, we vow to be a healing partner.
Question: What is my power in my partnerships?
October 07, 2018 Gospel Mark 10:2-16 Twenty Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time