Jesus’ suffering and death is detailed in this final week of Lent. It is excruciating and it is intentionally inflicted. The pain of it all is expressed by Jesus throughout; the agony in the garden, his betrayal by Judas, being arrested, being tortured, being murdered. It is excruciating for his loved ones who witness the pain. Those who love Jesus have been praying for him throughout his life. They are praying for him now; to live through this suffering. In time, the truth that the suffering cannot be survived must be admitted. Prayers for life turn into requests for death; let the pain stop. While it stops for the one who succumbs to death, the pain does not immediately stop for we who survive. What do we do with our pain as survivors?
People whom we love live as an energy in us. They are an uplifting Spirit, a loving energy. We are buoyant and happy with our love. When they die and their energy slips away, what do we do? We can’t fly anymore. We are no longer lighter than air. We cannot lift our hearts nor our spirits with laughter any longer. We’re grounded, grounded with an overwhelming sadness. We may feel in touch with them, but it will have a touch of sadness from feeling their absence; the smell of them in the clothes they no longer wear, the vision of them in the house they no longer inhabit. We grieve and we grieve. The sadness trickles and gushes and shocks us and numbs us as we grieve and we grieve. We are alone and yet engulfed. We enter a circle of suffering which embraces us. It is the touch we now feel, the life we now know. Will it always be so? It seems yes. Then, as we stay in the circle, the embrace remains but feels lighter. The touch remains but is softer. We notice the circle has been filled with people, others who have suffered and it is their embrace we have been experiencing. It is their touch we have been feeling. We have not been alone. We have been with; we have been received, adopted, hugged, protected, and caressed. We have been wombed. We have been gifted with a loving energy – to give again; a lifting Spirit – to rise again. People and time and memories have been lifting us. We feel presence again. People whom we love live as energy in us again.
“A crippled child Said, “How shall I dance?” Let your heart dance We said. Then the invalid said: “How shall I sing?” Let your heart sing We said Then spoke the poor dead thistle, “But I, how shall I dance?” Let your heart fly to the wind We said.” (Those Who Do Not Dance – Gabriela Mistral)
Prayer: Spirit of Life, help us keep living when we are grieving.
Question: How well do I grieve?
April 14, 2019 Gospel Luke 22:14-23:56 Palm Sunday