“Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with the others when Jesus” appeared to them after his Resurrection. Thomas “said to them, ‘Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.’” “A week later… Jesus came… and stood in their midst and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.’ Thomas answered and said to him, “‘My Jesus.’”
Soldiers had struck mortal blows against Jesus; one nail, a second, a third into his flesh. They stuck a spear into his ribs. From these open wounds, life oozed out of him. Jesus’ crucifixion would remain for a time an open wound for peacemakers. It is the truth of all violent deaths. They remain as open wounds for surviving loved ones. If they remain so eternally, then we remain fixated on the nails. We remain stuck at the cross. It seems to be the state of our friend Thomas in today’s Gospel. If the cross remains as the focal point of our reality too, then, like Thomas, we will also doubt life. Life will perpetually ooze out of us. The mortal blows inflicted upon a loved one’s body – have the effect of mortal blows inflicted upon our spirit. We feel a loved one’s pain in our very soul. We feel their death a mortal blow to our own agency. We are stunned, shocked, shaken, feeling faint, frail, feeble. We experience a depth of sorrow unimaginably despairing. We do well to get out of bed in the morning or move through our day. And yet, we must. We are alive. As difficult as it is, day by day, moment by moment, we must give our selves to living. If we immerse ourselves in the experience of the traumatized, we hopefully see, as with most survivors, fledgling attempts to deal with their trauma. We see fledgling attempts to heal their open wounds. We see survivors immerse themselves in forgiveness, “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” We see survivors bear their open wounds, “he came and stood in their midst… he showed them his hands and his side.” Can we immerse ourselves in violent death from the experience of those who inflict it, soldiers? How many mortal blows have soldiers inflicted upon the Christs of history? How many nails and spears have they used against how many brothers and sisters? How many crosses are soldiers subsequently stuck at? How long has life been oozing out of them? What is the condition of their spirit, the plight of their soul, the health of their agency? If we think the questions silly or misguided, then we think soldiers sociopaths. Soldiers die every day at their own hands precisely because they are ordered to kill Christs, because they are left to glory in their weapons that cause open wounds, because they are not encouraged to ask for forgiveness. We do not help soldiers heal into Resurrected life. We pat them on the back without a touch to the open wound that is their spirit as they experience a depth of sorrow unimaginably despairing. We thank them for their service but do not acknowledge they have been in service to death. We do not reach for their soul as they experience it departing. We rarely help them to live inside their healed scars. Jesus reached out to someone who doubted life, Thomas, and Thomas reached back. Are we reaching out to soldiers who doubt life and can we help soldiers reach back. The touch may at first be felt of open wounds but it can become a touch of healing scars. Healed because we help soldiers set aside from their fingers their hammers and nails, put down from their hands their spears and crosses. Healed because they have the courage to touch the wounds they inflict, “Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side.”
“And everything feels broken When you’re not next to me Would you still be you If we weren’t we Under your scars I pray You’re like a shooting star in the rain You’re everything that feels like home to me, Under your scars, I could live inside you time after time If you’d only let me live inside of mine.” (Under Your Scars – Sully Erna, Godsmack)
Prayer: Resurrected Life, you are healing for the world.
Question: How do I help soldiers and their supporters experience forgiveness and new life?
April 11, 2021 Gospel John 20:19-31 Second Sunday of Easter